Category Archives: Empowerment

Help Kids be Problem Solvers

If you want your kids to be problem solvers, you have to let them solve their own problems, as much as possible.Empower them to find solutions.  Your job is to help them to help themselves.

Focus Attention on the Learning Experience

When parents and other caregivers focus only on the finished products, it does not encourage the child to be a problem solver. If only perfectly made beds are acceptable, then why keep trying because perfection is not possible. If A is an accepted and expected grade, then what happens when the child enjoys a subject but doesn’t get good grades on the test?

3 Problem Solving Steps

Give your child a "can do" attitude by helping them to become problem solvers.
  • Trail and error is a great teacher. Logical and natural consequences help children learn much more than one more lecture on how to do “my way.”

If the soccer uniform does not get in the laundry, then the child will have to wear a stained shirt to the game.  Questions such as “What did you learn from this experience today?” or even “Given how this turned out for you, what do you think you could do next time?”

  • Next Time….

As you help the child evaluate, plan for the next time and encourage them to problem solve on their own, you will be adding to the core of confidence.

By stressing that failure is never final and we are all on a learning curve, you will be giving them permission to start over.

  • Who Owns the Problem?

If you and your child have agreed on chores and school responsiblity and you keep bugging and reminding, you still own the problem.  Why should he remember when he knows from experience that you will keep nagging.

Even if you get mad, that is still attention and interaction with you, so it is not all bad. Gradually, your child will learn to be inner-directed, rather than outer-directed. He or she will

In Kids, Chores and More you will learn to not only work together to divide up the chores, but what the consequences are for not doing your job.  When the expectations are clear, you no longer have to be the referee and judge.

Generally your child wants to please you and for everyone to do their share. Sometimes, the task is too overwhelming and it is easier to give up.

Perhaps you feel that way about teaching your child to assume personal responsibility. Teaching your child to  become a problem solver is not easy but possible. Especially with the assistance and guidance of the tips, techniques and methods located at Kids,Chores and More.

Get it today.  It will be an investment in your families harmony and the future of your child.

You can help your kids to be problems solvers.  I know, because I have done it. You can too. I have confidence in you.

Blessings, Judy

Family of Friends Gather to Share

Family of Friends

I have a group of women friends who join together at least every two weeks for a Sacred Journey. We study inspirational books and have lively discussions, but we also support one another in tragedy and triumph.

This is a family of friends that I have selected.  My husband has a family of friends that goes bowling twice a week.  My sister has a family of friends that does charity work. My brother has a family of friends that rides horses every Tuesday night and most weekends. Our daughter Debra has a family of friends that goes hiking in the mountains.

Who is your family of friends?  They may be in a number of different areas of interest. No matter who is in your tribe, you need the social network of support that comes from others who care about you.

We each have a number of family friends, but it is also important to have a family of friends. Those who will support you in tragedy and triumph.

Who is Your Tribe?

Seth Godin, an internet marketing guru and bestselling author, helped many of us to be aware of the tribes we were in or leading.

A tribe is a group of people connected to one another through similar thoughts, philosophies and goals either online or off-line. This tribe and community may be made up of people who are not related by blood but rather by interest and common direction of movement.

I think of the tribes that we belong to; organizations that support caring for the environment, online groups that support writers, groups of runners, people we meet at classic car shows, etc.  There is a connection but not the level of intimacy that you might find in a smaller family of friends or neighborhood community.

For every human being to feel connected and a part of something bigger, each must have a feeling of belonging. If you did not have that feeling of belonging when you were growing up, you will always have a yearning for it in your heart.  Your eyes will be searching for your home or tribe or the group that feels right and secure.

Many clients and friends have told me they always felt they were born in the wrong family.  They kept searching for the group that resonated with them.  They found it in a church or a neighborhood or even a square dancing group!

Lisa, a client, said the first time she put on a bunch of petticoats and a twirl skirt, she felt at home.  The friendships and culture of dancing and celebrating life together with those who had similar tastes were what she had been searching for all her life.

Her body picked up the rhythm of the dance as if she had been born to it.  Maybe she was.

Who is your family of friends?  Do you have a group of people who support your efforts? Be sure to claim your free eBook on the use of encouraging words in relationships.  You will be so glad you did.

Making Sense of It – Decide to Be Happy

How do we make sense of all the incongruities and inequalities of life? How do we understand how this innocent little child dies and this sexual pervert gets away to harm another and another?

In times of despair, depression or ultimate happiness and joy, we hunger for more. We ache to understand how to understand. We are searching for meaning and for wholeness. We long to be comforted and consoled. We want to know we are safe and there is something or someone who has our best interests at heart and will stand by us in troubling times.

Decide To Be Happy

You always stand in choice. I wonder how many times I have said that in this book and every coaching call or speech. It is true and I guess I will keep saying it until those I meet on a daily basis “get it.”

The most powerful move you make each day is to make a decision. Either yes or no, but never “I don’t know” or “maybe.”

Each segment of your day you decide to make a sacred choice. Remember how I asked you to recognize when you were in joy so you could recreate that feeling again and again? That is a touchstone (a standard to judge other events) of happiness. You will also want a touchstone or memory of the worst day in your life, so you will know that you lived through it.

If you choose to feel good; mentally, physically, spiritually, financially and in relationships, you will experience that happy feeling more often.

If you simply can’t bring yourself to feel good then make a decision to feel better. Each time you feel a little better rate your joy. Determine that you will want to increase your periods of felling good and decrease your feeling of doubt and despair.

As a pearl of wisdom; when you change yourself, you change the people and events around you.

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5 Tips for Family Resilience- Bounce Back From Adversity

5 Tips for Family Resilience- Bounce Back From Adversity

Family resilience is the ability to bounce back from the adversities and bad luck that befall us.  No family or individual is immune from misfortune and tragedy. Daily life is filled with challenges to individual members of the family and sometimes to the family unit itself.

 

As the economy becomes more unstable and family finances go up and down, I see those families who are able to weather the storm and those who are devastated and destroyed.

 

Functioning Families Hang On

In my work as a family coach I see daily evidence of those families who can hang on to each other until a solution is found.  These families have developed a system and ability to spring back from bad times.

 

Their struggle to get through a tough situation is admirable.  I have noticed that they all seem to have intuitively used these 5 coping skills to bounce back.

 

  1. Panic With Purpose-Once the panic stage is over; they step back from the pain and look at life more objectively.
  2. No Blame or Shame-They did not buy into or assign guilt or blame. It was not someone’s fault, but rather a situation to be solved.
  3. Remember Coping Successes-They bring up past successes of their family and other families they know and admire and how they coped with pain and disappointment. They assess their areas of strengths.
  4. Brain Storm Ideas-They take a clear look at the problem and brainstorm solutions. They recognize that there are always a minimum of five methods of solving any situation
  5. Move Forward- The new way may not feel comfortable at first, but the lines of communication are kept open and adjustments are made.

Cycle of Resiliency

 

It takes time and effort to adjust to new experiences, whether they are happy or sad.
Families who are resilient learn a new rhythm which will evolve and guide their lives as individuals as well as a unit.  Without that rhythm and flow the energy becomes stagnant and stuck in unhealthy places.

 

Self Awareness Quiz

  1. Do you remember a time in your childhood when a big change occurred and how your family handled the experience?
  2. At that time, were all members of the family involved in finding solutions or was “the new way” just dictated by the adults?
  3. Did you wish that your family had chosen another way to cope?  Can you do so now? Can you be more resilient and bounce back from disappointments?

 

 

This article is written by Judy Helm Wright @Artichoke Press LLC  You have permission to use it in your blog or teaching, but please keep the content and contact information intact.

 

You will want to claim your eBook on 47 Steps To Empowerment at http://www.EmpowermentWithJudy.com You will be glad you did.

Strength and Weakness-Become Stronger in Weak Places

Strength and Weakness – Become Stronger in Weak Places

As a business owner, parent educator, parent and volunteer in the community, I have had an opportunity to see strengths and weakness in many people.  Our children have had sports coaches who made them feel great about themselves whether they won or lost the game.

These great coaches encouraged them to make the tasks they do right, even better.  They have also helped them to manage the weak places and either improve or move to another position.

Now, on the other hand, they also had teachers and coaches who had a personal agenda which including making the student better by pointing out every thing they did wrong. These teachers and coaches not only pointed out the weak places, but took great pleasure in humiliating or embarrassing them.

By focusing on the strengths that are right, we will get more of the strong behavior and learn to manage the weaknesses.

This did not motivate excellence or even a willingness to try again, but rather a fear of failure.  So instead of managing weak areas, people of all ages, tend to avoid them or assume they will do badly.

 

Self Full Filling Prophecy

What we focus on, we get more of.  It is called the Law of Attraction and has been in the news a lot lately, but has existed forever.  It is not new. It is eternal and exists just like air, electricity, gravity or all of the other laws of the universe.

By focusing on the weakness, we simply become weaker. Focus on strength and we will become stronger.

Instead of becoming angry at what your child or employee does wrong, focus would be on identifying and developing strengths while managing or outsourcing the weakness.

Recognize Your Strengths

What do you do right?  At a recent seminar, I asked the participants to list 5 things they did right so far that day.  I was astounded at how few of them could find 5 successes and accomplishments to share.

When I asked them to list 5 things they had “screwed up” the response was instantaneous. When I pointed out that for every mistake a child does right, he or she also does at least 19 things right.

Every single person can do one thing better than any other 10,000 people.

You Bake Cookies, I Buy Cookies

10,000 of you are better cookie bakers than I am.  So I could beat myself up about it and take classes and read cook books, or……I could buy cookies.

My time is better served on writing books and articles, which I love and which is easy for me to do.  That may not be one of your strengths and unless you are really dedicated, why not let me write and you bake cookies?

 

Self Awareness Quiz on Strength and Weakness

  1. Do you agree with this definition of success “Find out what you do well and just do more of it.”
  2. Can you list 5 areas where you are weak and how you could outsource or build a system to manage it?
  3. Can you list 5 areas where you are strong and how you can nurture ways to double your productivity by enhancing these strengths?

 

You are invited to claim your free eBook on Using Encouraging Words at http://www.JudyHWright.com

 

Success or Failure -Teeter Totter

Success Or Failure- Teeter-Totter

 

Recently I needed a see-saw or teeter-totter as a visual for a video I was doing on balance. Aside from the fact it was very hard to find (don’t children play with small toys anymore) it represented how opposite things are in life. For instance, success and failure are both ends of the same board.  Sometimes we are up and sometimes we are down.

 

Many of the “good things” in life can quickly turn into “bad things” when they are misused. Fire can heat our food and warm our bodies, but it can so easily destroy our homes and neighborhoods if it gets out of control.

 

Let’s look at the up side of success and the down side of failure.

 

1.    Assuming responsibility for our choices versus blaming others or circumstances.

2.    Recognizing that not everything will work out right the first time versus beating our selves up for not getting it correct.

3.    Having a plan and taking steps every day to move forward towards those goals versus thinking about a better live but not taking the actual steps to follow through. It is the difference between a concrete plan and a vague wish.

4.    A willingness to hang in there for the long run and work hard to reach a goal versus quitting too soon.

5.    Doing a job right versus taking shortcuts and giving up what you really want for what you want right now.

 

Ying and Yang

 

As I study and network with successful people, I see that they have been on the teeter totter many times, but always make sure that they end on top.

 

When you encounter failure, ask yourself how you can turn it into success?  You can do it. I have confidence in you.

 

Self Awareness Quiz

1.    Can you list at least 5 things you did successfully today?

2.    When you have made mistakes or failed at a task, are you able to find the lesson you have learned?

3.    Do you have clear cut goals and move towards them daily?

 

You are free to use this article in your blog or ezine, but please give credit to Judy Helm Wright, author and keynote speaker @ http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Aunt or Auntie? Wise Women Who Love You

What Is An Auntie? Is it Different From An Aunt?

Do you have an Auntie? I hope so because everybody deserves to have someone in their lives who will encourage, support and think they are wonderful.

Many people have asked me about my title of Auntie Artichoke. Whose aunt am I? Do I have many nieces and nephews and they call me Auntie Artichoke? Actually, I do have relatives, but the title of Auntie has nothing to do with blood lines but rather spiritual connections.

“Auntie” is a Wise Woman

It is an honorary title that is given to a woman who has a great influence in the life of others. This title implies strength and an ability to see the best and encourage good choices. In many cultures, including Hawaiian and Native American, wise, kind and guiding mentors and teachers are called Auntie and Uncle as a sign of respect and affection.

The underlying message of an Auntie is love and acceptance. As an Auntie, I am able to share wisdom and insight without the “shoulds and should nots” parents like to enforce. There is no shame, blame and criticism.

Aunties can listen without judgment, share without restrictions and love unconditionally.

“Auntie Artichoke”

I am honored to be called Auntie and to use the Artichoke as a symbol of the work I do.

The artichoke is a thistle, but is delicious to peel and eat. Try an artichoke today.

The artichoke is a strange food and many have never tried it because they were not sure what to expect. It certainly looks funny.

But the artichoke is very much like the families I work with across the world who are just like yours and mine.

We are all closed off and held tight at first glance. Some of us have prickly ends and don’t want to be opened or examined too closely. The only way to open an artichoke and a family member is with patience and warmth.

Open and Closed Families

Until the artichoke has time to cook, the leaves won’t open and reveal the true treasure-which is the heart. As you pull apart the leaves, you will find them increasingly delicious and meaty. When you have spent the time and effort to unfold the heart of either the artichoke or person, you will find the heart.

After you finish peeling and eating an artichoke or visiting with an Auntie, you will see there is much more there than meets the eye. There are hidden depths waiting to be discovered.

Everyone Needs An Auntie

My wish for each of you is to find an Auntie or Uncle who will love you unconditionally and assist you on this journey called life. My second wish for you is that you BE an Auntie or Uncle and that you mentor and guide others. Help them to find their true hearts.

I have confidence in you and your ability to reach your dreams and goals.

© Judy H. Wright. You have permission to use this article in your blog, website or e-zine (newsletter) as long as the content and contact information remain intact. Thank You.

Thanks for sharing with me today and I would like to invite you to go to http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com to read about my latest book and the bonus items I have gathered just for you. You will be glad you did.

Thanks for joining our community of caring parents, family members,coaches, teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults.

 

3 Ways Women Give Away Their Power

3 Ways Women Give Away Their Power

What is power anyway? How does one get it and how does one give it away?

What three words come to mind when I say power?  Is it control? Is it domination?  Is energy, as in turning on the electrical power? Continue reading 3 Ways Women Give Away Their Power

Empathy, Sympathy; Emotions and Understanding for Others

Empathy, Emotions and Understanding for Other People

When we have empathy, we understand that other people are emotional beings and their emotions are affected by every experience in life.  We also understand that while we may have had similar experiences, we really have no idea exactly how they feel.

Empathy is much different from sympathy.

Empathy is the ability to identify with and understand somebody else’s feelings or difficulties.  Their pain is their own.  Empathy is caring, inquiring and understanding how someone feels. Continue reading Empathy, Sympathy; Emotions and Understanding for Others

Encouragement, Praise and Empowerment

Encouragement, Praise and Empowerment

There is a big difference between praise and encouragement. Many parents, employers and mentors do not know what to say that will motivate and empower others.  As a parent educator and family coach for over 25 years, I have seen and experienced this confusion in my own  life and the lives of others.

“Atta Boy”  “Good Job”  “Way to go”  “That was a great catch.”

These are all compliments puppy dogs, small children and grown adults love to hear.  When someone notices and comments in a positive way, not only animals but people want to do more. Everyone has a hunger for acceptance.

Not Everyone Likes Praise Continue reading Encouragement, Praise and Empowerment