We all want people to love and approve of us. We hunger to be connected to friends and family. Many people become “people pleasers” trying to be accepted by others in their lives.
As a parent educator and family coach I have seen children who want approval so much that they will comply with the wishes and demands of others no matter what the cost to themselves. They want so much to please parents, teachers and friends that they give away all their power.
Sounding Board and Master Mind. I can literally mark the day my income started climbing and my mind shifted to a new level. It was when I joined a master mind of successful people. You do not bring problems or whine about situations to the group, but instead ask for insight and guidance.
The idea behind a master mind is that all of the individual minds of the members create another member and that is the MasterMind.
We become very susceptible to the environment where we spend most of our time. We tend to think and act like those we associate with most of the time. Have you ever known anyone who went overseas for a year and came home with an accent? That becomes the new normal.
So when you hang around with successful and sharing people you will find yourself becoming a more and more successful and sharing person.
This is called our “circle of influence” those who touch our lives and those whose lives we touch. As you grow in empowerment, you will want to watch your circle very closely in order to grow to your highest good.
You are never walking alone. Take my hand and I will accompany you on this exciting journey. JHW
The fact that you are reading this book or article tells me that you want to move forward in life. You have already set that intention when you picked it up and started reading.
Without verbalizing it, you may have subconsciously thought “I want to do more, be more, have more and I will look for ways to assist me on that journey.”
Plan and Direction to Success
Intention means that you have a purpose in mind. Or as Stephen Covey said in the book The 7 habits of Highly Successful People, you have to “begin with the end in mind.”
If your ultimate intention is to double your income in one year, then set that intention. Focus on ways to succeed in that goal.
The more clear your intention and the more you can verbalize and write it, the more ways will be opened for you to succeed.
Focus on What You Do Want
The underlying premise in the Law of Attraction is that all matter and energy are drawn to similar vibrations. Like is drawn to like. If you enjoy classical music, you are drawn to others who have similar interests. It doesn’t mean that you don’t occasionally listen to country western tunes, but you are more at ease, comfortable, and attracted to concerts rather than hoedowns.
In my work as a family educator I notice that people who think and talk about building strong families and communities are doing it. They are drawn to people, books, and classes about their favorite subjects.
Don’t Focus On What You Don’t Want
A few years ago I was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease. The more I thought about the possible negative outcomes, the worse I felt. While it was important to do due diligence and research my options, I realized my focus was on what could go wrong. I turned up many negative outcomes and forums from fellow sufferers.
Once I shifted my intention to see what could go right, and began honoring the message from my body, I was drawn to more positive people and actions.
Set Intentions To Be Successful and Happy
We are each a living magnet that attracts people into our life who harmonize with our dominant thoughts and emotions. If you are unhappy with the people surrounding you, ask yourself if it is your thoughts and negative expectations that cause them to interact that way with you.
You are both the problem and the solution to everything in your life. When your thoughts, words and actions are aligned with what you really want, you are filled with joy and ecstasy.
Questions To Think About
1. Have you ever set an intention to find a certain thing when shopping and then had it turn up?
2. Do you believe that what you focus on will magnify in your life?
3. Will you set an intention each morning to be drawn to those things that will help you succeed?
4. Do you believe you can change your thoughts and intentions and change your life?
5. What intentions are you going to set that will bring you closer to your goals
Have you ever watched people as they approach an outside swimming pool on a brisk day? Many know that it will be a harsh experience when you first get in the water and so they jump in with a big splash and get the worst over with so they can enjoy the fun.
Others hesitate, mediate, congregate and speculate which way is better; toe in first, slide the whole body in on the ladder, jump in the deep end, walk in from the shallow end.
There are just so many ways to get in the water. It is hard to decide. But while we are worried about the best choice, our friends have already gotten warm in the water and are having fun.
So many times we stand shivering on the side of the pool, hesitant to jump in. So we walk around shivering and miserable trying to decide the easiest and least painful way to get wet.
We look at the evidence of others who are in the pool and having fun and splashing about, so we can conclude that the water will not freeze our body and cause instant death. But possibly those are stronger, braver, more talented, richer, smarter, better than we are, and perhaps they know “the secret”
The Secret of Decision Making
As I have observed successful and less than successful people in my work as a parent and life educator, I have seen a difference in how they make decisions.
Successful and confident people make decision quickly and live with the consequences. If they see they may have not gotten all the facts, they adjust as they go. They empower themselves to adapt and change to meet their own needs.
Those who stand on the side shivering and worrying about what is the right style, method, partners, level of skill and a hundred other “catastrophic thoughts” miss the initial good time.
They were worrying and anxious, when they could have been swimming and enjoying life. So jump quickly and get started enjoying life.
Self Awareness Quiz
1. If it is hard for you to make a decision, can you lower it down to 3 choices?
2. It is much easier to make a decision if you quickly look at 3 options and choose the one that resonates with your institution.
3. What is the very worst thing that could happen if you make a wrong choice?
4. Do you recognize that you are smart enough and strong enough to solve that situation should it ever happen?
Everyone needs friends. Friendship offers a way to connect, grow and develop in new and exciting ways. The best friendships are nurturing and comfortable for both parties.
Most friendships happen naturally. You meet someone at church, the market, the coffee shop and there is something that attracts you to them. Perhaps they smile or ask you a question and the conversation begins to flow.
It may be that you are co-workers, or cousins or next door neighbors. No matter how you connected or what the initial attraction was, it has to be a win-win situation for the friendship to work long term.
In order to relate at a deep level of friendship, there must be trust and caring. There must be a true heart sharing and knowing that your confidences will be respected. When a friendship is nurturing it encourages success for all. It is not one-sided, but rather encompassing the best for all parties involved.
To nurture is to give tender care and protection to help a plant, animal or person to help it grow and develop the full potential.
Many friendships no longer are for your highest good. They do not serve you well and need to be pruned just like you would for a plant that has overgrown and is suffocating the root system.
It does not mean the person is toxic, only that you have grown in different directions. When you have learned all you can learn and taught all you can teach each other, then you should move on so others can benefit from your nurturing friendship.
This is an essay that floated around the internet and I adapted it for my class on friendship.
Friends come to you for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When someone is in your life for a REASON. It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
Then people come into your life for a SEASON. Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. To have and be a lifetime friend is golden.
1. Do you have friends that are nurturing to you? List them.
2. List the friends who were with you for a reason.
3. List the friends who were with you for a season
4. List your lifetime friends.
5. Have you told your nurturing lifetime friends thank you lately?
You are invited to join a community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all. Claim your free eBook instantly at http://www.EmpowermentWithJudy.com You will be so glad you did.
Having been a parent educator and a PBS consultant for Ready to Learn for many years, I have had the unique opportunity to work with Head Start families, Child Care Providers, and parents as well as schools, organizations, and teachers all over the world just like you.
YES YOU ARE A TEACHER.
Every one of us is teaching the next generation, whether we want to or not. Those of us who care deeply about the children in our circle of influence need to teach those values, ethics, and standards that will help them to live successful and happy lives. Now, more than any other time in history, it is important to be a mindful parent. That means paying attention to what is going on in the daily lives of our children.
There is no greater calling than to be a teacher, and there are no greater teachers than parents and extended family. If we remember that the ultimate goal in getting our kids to help at home is to teach them good work habits, rather than just to get the family room picked up before we go crazy, we approach the task from a better perspective. We will not be approaching tasks in a labor/management, master/slave or leader/follower manner as much as we will be modeling the more respectful roles of teacher/pupil. We have experiences to share with our children. We care about their character formation, their skill development, and their general happiness more than any one else in the world.
ATTITUDES AND SKILLS ARE TAUGHT AT HOME
Ideally, our homes should be like apprentice shops, where our children work by our sides and learn the life skills they need to be successful, contributing adults. We want to create an atmosphere where mutual respect and support are inherent and people learn to self-manage. As teachers, we do need to discipline and guide the actions and character development until the individuals can learn and practice self-discipline The word discipline, as defined in Webster’s dictionary, means learning or knowledge, the training that develops self-control, character, orderliness, and efficiency. The root word of discipline is disciple, which means a student or follower of another. It does not mean punishment or fear.
As parents, we are challenged to walk in such a way that those who follow us learn to discipline themselves- wherever they go, whatever they do, and no matter how old they become. The seeds of good judgment, thoughtful consideration for others and self-reliance in all areas of daily family life are most easily planted during a child’s pre-school years. These can then be reinforced every day until they leave home. However, it is never too late to start teaching these lessons if we have not taken or had the opportunity when they were younger.
So often we do unconscious parenting, just getting through the day. It is not that we don’t love our family; it is just that the love sometimes gets lost in translation through poor communications or unskillful methods. I would like to challenge you to be more conscious of how your words and actions affect your children. By changing the family’s attitude into one of positive expectancy rather than anticipation of negative outcomes, you make the atmosphere more pleasant and welcoming to everyone. Hopefully you will find some techniques here that will assist you in your efforts to have a more cooperative and harmonious home.
It is the responsibility of parents and extended families to teach our children how to succeed in life as contributing members of society. Schools, churches, Girl Scouts, YMCA, and other youth organizations can only supplement the lessons children receive at home. Too many children today are not being taught basic lessons of character by parents but are learning by osmosis through TV. It is time to unplug the TV (or limit the viewing, to a number equal to hours spent reading or restricted to just on the weekends) and plug our families into each other.
TAKE A LONG RANGE VIEW
I always encourage parents to look down the road fifteen years to the adult, instead of right now at the child who is balking at unloading the dishwasher. Yes, it would be easier on you just to put the dishes away yourself, but what does your child learn when you do his chores for him? Almost all learning is accomplished through trial and error, or the natural or logical consequence of actions.
If we as parents step in and prevent the error or consequence, we have just prevented the learning. We all need to be able to make mistakes and errors in judgment in order to learn what works and what doesn’t. This is how we fine tune our skills and master the tasks at hand. We do our children a grave disservice by stepping in to save them, unless it is a matter of safety. We need to work together as a family unit, in a supportive but non-interfering way, to learn new skills and head toward the goal of independent, successful and harmonious lives.
In the next few minutes, as you read this book, you will find two different and distinct components of responsibility: outward and inward.
1. Outward responsibility deals with everyday life skills such as doing chores,
brushing teeth, returning videos on time, and feeding the dog. Each family has its own list of what they consider important, so we will not discuss particular tasks. Rather, we want you to focus on nurturing a positive attitude and good habits in your children – habits that will help
them to be productive and reliable.
2. Inward responsibility deals with attitudes, beliefs, and values. Being inwardly responsible means admitting mistakes, treating others as you would like to be treated, being unselfish, and caring about other people’s health, property and feelings. We frequently get bogged down with the frustration of dirty rooms and forget about more important factors like inward motivation. Effective discipline is setting reasonable limits on our children at different developmental stages but giving them choices so they can learn to form their own opinions. Our goal is to help them become self-disciplined and to learn to think and problem solve without asking or being told what to do in every situation.
Aptitude and competence or the ability to accomplish a task is not nearly as important and vital to a happy life as attitude and confidence. This is the area where we help our children build self-esteem, problem solving skills, a can-do outlook, and positive expectations toward life. A cooperative environment is one where everyone in the family wins; there are no losers. By learning to support and assist each other in small daily tasks, we set the stage for encouragement and a willingness to become self-reliant.
Good luck. As a word of encouragement, I have to tell you that, of our grown children, the ones who were the messiest as kids are the neatest as adults! Hang in there; there is hope for the future.
Now, here we go–some great ideas and suggestions from families just like yours who have learned to pitch in and make the work go faster. I am sure you will enjoy what the kids confided to me about being responsible and helping. They are the real experts.
This article has been written by Judy H. Wright, a parent educator and PBS consultant. You will find a full listing of books, tele-classes, and workshops listed at www.ArtichokePress.com. You have permission to use the article providing full credit is given to author. She may be contacted at 406-549-9813 or JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com
If you want to utilize the power of your spirit and divine destiny, you need to prioritize what you really want. Many people become distracted over what they really want by giving in to what they want right now.
The number one reason most people don’t get what they really want
is that they don’t know what they really want.
Clarity is power plugged in.
For a 47 minute period, focus on what you really want. Schedule this power production at least once a day and you will see a doubling or tripling of your productivity. You will be amazed at how much work you will get done towards your goal as you focus with your power turned on high.
Here is what you will want to do:
1. Choose a top priority that will impact your goal of achieving what you really want.
2. Eliminate distractions and be ready to focus for 47 solid minutes.
3. Set the timer for 47 minutes and be committed to focusing on one project for the whole time.
4. Do not think, do, look, read or fiddle around with anything else for the next 47 minutes. Do not answer phone or check on email. If you come across something that is not directly related to your task at hand, throw it on the floor to deal with later. Just keep your head down and your mind focused on one goal only.
5. Reward yourself when the timer goes off. Stand up and shake your muscles, get a drink of water, go to the bathroom, file the paper on the floor or act on it then.
You will have a major sense of accomplishment from getting a key project, or major component done. You will be astounded when you recognize how much you can accomplish in a small amount of concentrated time.
Schedule your 47 minute power plug in twice a day. Make a commitment to focus all that energy towards something that will bring you either abundance financially or a great deal of joy.
Decide what you really want and go for it. I have confidence in you.